Thursday, March 11

Please do not turn me into PETA

My husband and I did absolutely ZERO research prior to purchasing Sparky. HUGE mistake. During my too little too late research session I learned that the cages sold in stores are "glorified litter boxes" and it is better to make one for them. I looked up the instructions and necessary items to fabricate a mansion for Sparky. I called around to different shops to locate something called Coroplast. After several calls I got in touch with a nice lady who told me that I would need a truck or minivan to transport the material. It is basically a plastic type cardboard material and doesn't bend easily. I told my husband who replied, "Whatever! We'll make it work". After arriving at the sign shop and paying for the Coroplast, a nice man brought it out to our car. At first glance I knew we were screwed. The sheet was as long as our car! Since I am totally mature I looked at my husband and said "I freaking told you this crap wouldn't fit. Nice! What are we going to do now? I already paid for this crap." At this point Kai avoided eye contact with me and just stood there. The man decided to bend it in half and it STILL won't fit. With my purse still on my arm I picked up the Coroplast and eventually shoved it into the back seat. Awesome! It fit. Not awesome? It took up the whole back seat and blocked the rear window and my child's car seat. Luckily Ethan thought it was awesome and hopped in behind it. We dropped the supplies off at home and rushed back to the store to buy Sparky's companion, Blaster Love Zhang. It turns out Blaster wanted to show his dominance and started attacking Sparky when they were put in the cage together. We decided Blaster was not going to work and tried to return him to the store closest to our house. I was standing in the store holding the box while Blaster ran circles inside of it causing it to shake crazily. I was informed by the manager that I could not return him there since he was purchased at another store. It was 8:57 and the store closed at 9:00 so there was no way we were getting rid of Blaster that night. I may have threatened to leave him on the sidewalk in front of the store, which caused my husband to compare me to Michael Vick. Great. I am the Michael Vick of Guinea Pigs. Fortunately we were able to return Blaster the next day after he bit me. One down. One to go. Sparky decided that he hated us. Sparky also decided that he was going to stop eating and somehow start shitting more. I decided that perhaps we were not the right family for Sparky and drove the 20 minutes to return him only to get there right as they were closing and I was turned away. Unfortunately I had to put him back in the car and return him home. The next day there was still no change so back to the pet store he went. Now, we are Guinea Pigless. I DO feel bad that we returned both of them the same week we bought them. Did you know Guinea Pigs live 5-7 years? That would have been 5-7 years with a poop filled box and a squeaking Guinea Pig in my living room. Moral of the story? My husband has terrible ideas. Ok the real moral is do your freaking research before you jump into owning a pet.


  1. Shortly after you returned those rodents they were euthanized. Ever seen a sign for used Guinea Pigs? I rest my case!

  2. guinea pigs are meant to live in the wild...i guess...where the heck do guinea pigs come from??? Now that i think about it, i've never seen a wild guinea pig...AND they're not at zoo's or petting farms...hmmmmmm......

  3. better to return them than to do what some people i know have done and "release them into the wild." we all know what that means.

  4. I am pretty sure the Guinea Pigs we had would suck at living in the wild. They were ridiculous. It wasn't my idea to get them and I was the one taking care if them. No way. I am not a rodent person.



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