Wednesday, April 14

yoga pants minus the yoga

My weight has always been like a yo-yo. A huge piece of crap yo-yo.

Lately I am on the bad end of the yo-yo. By bad end I mean that I know I am fat I am just, well, too fat to do anything about it.

I think to myself man this doughnut is going to look terrible in my jeans later as I shovel every last morsel into my greedy face.

My son has soccer games on Saturdays. By soccer games I mean my son runs around the soccer field with his arms out like an airplane smiling and waving at me. It's awesome.

This past Saturday after I showered for the soccer game. I totally did not have the energy to

A. Find jeans that fit.
B. Force them onto my doughnut riddled body.
C. Handle the disappointment if it didn't work out.

People think that fat people are dumb. Oh no my friend. We are geniuses. I immediately started thinking of things I could wear in lieu of jeans. Robe? Fake towel thing with the velcro that I wasted ten dollars on? Yoga pants that are buried somewhere in my closet cause I haven't worked out in who knows how long? YES! We have a winner.

Luckily it didn't take too long to find them. They felt like heaven. With their loose fit and elastic waste band. Pure awesomeness.

I found some "workout" shoes to give the appearance that I had just finished up a workout right before rushing out the door to my son's soccer game. Or perhaps I was going to workout after the game. I'm not picky. Whatever people were going to buy is how I was selling it.

On the way to the game my husband called and I told him of my genius plan. Surprisingly he was not impressed. He reminded me of last summer when all he wore was basketball shorts cause he was "too fat for anything else". His words, not mine people.

It hit me. I am turning into my husband. Which would be awesome if I was a dude. Since I am not a dude it is just creepy and filled with doom. Kind of like the doughnuts that got me into this situation.


  1. Lmao! This is awesome! You are not alone. I own a few pair of yoga pants and I'll be rockin them at the game on Saturday. :-)

  2. See what you missed? Yoga pants unite!

  3. Donuts (and doughnuts) are a major weakness for me. I find very few opportunities to say no to them. Which is unfortunate, since I too am a constant yo-yo. I had lots of sizes of jeans, but then I gave all the bigger-than-size-8 ones away thinking that would help me avoid becoming large enough to wear them again. Guess who is now larger than size 8? Yep. Guess who's wearing yoga pants all the time? Right again. At least you have yoga pants and aren't leaving the house in pajama bottoms because that's all that fits. I've been there, and it's ugly.

  4. Wow, we should so make a club for "Yoga pant wearers that don't do Yoga", LOL! I'm right there with ya on the pants minus the workouts and love of all things doughnuts!!

  5. Steph I gave away all of my bigger clothes in hopes that I would stay motivated. Now I just have a closet full of clothes that are too small for me. Reminds me why I am a pack rat.

    Kimberly that would definitely be an awesome club. I am sure we are not alone.

  6. OMG this is some funny shit!!! I Love it. I always wear yoga pants, I have to wear a pair of jeans for atleast 3 days before they really fit. A couple hours a day then by the 3rd day they are like heaven.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...