Sunday, April 4

solicitors will be tortured

Apartment complexes and solicitors go together like fat people and buffets.

I am married to someone who will buy products of any kind sold door to door. He loves live commercials.

When I was pregnant and taking a nap due to being exhausted from growing a precious fetus lugging my ginormous body around, he bought some magical cleaning solution for fifty dollars from some pregnant lady. Why? She used some of his ink stained clothes to show how potent it was and then she drank it to show how safe it was. She drank it. As in she was pregnant and drank fucking cleaning solution to get a sale. He never stood a chance.

Another time he signed us up to receive the newspaper for an entire year, because the guy was handing out gift cards to a local grocery store. Do you know how many of those papers we read? ZERO. We totally could have just used the subscription fee and paid for our own damn groceries.

It has gotten to the point where I refuse to let him answer the door if we are not expecting someone. By someone I mean a Chinese delivery man or pizza man.

One night there was a knock at the door.

Vulture: Hey how's it going? I am trying to meet 100 people for a project I am doing.
Me: Ughhh ok
Vulture: Do you live here?
I am not one to miss out on a golden opportunity to blow someone off.
Me: Nope
Vulture: Really?
Me: No way! I would never live here!
Vulture: Are you breaking in?
Me: Yep... don't tell anyone.
Vulture: Ok... good luck with that.
Me: Thanks man! Have a good night.

Now THAT is how you deal with a damn Solicitor.

I hope he wasn't selling anything good.


  1. Wonder if you could have canceled the newspaper subscription after using the gift card.

  2. The only thing you did wrong in this scenario is passing up the oppurtunity to try and sell him some of your own shit. Other than that, impressive performance.

  3. Wow, can't believe that prego lady actually drank the cleaning solution...wonder how much she's getting paid to do that shit? I used the short and straight to the point approach when dealing with solicitors in Texas. Open door, look at the "vulture" up and down, and say..."Not interested"...slam door... Worked every time.

  4. actually ya know I got I sit and talk to them. Ask them all kinds of crazy questions and make them work hard for the sale. Then tell them no and close the door. I figure at least I am helping them become better sales people by practicing! =)

  5. Stephanie he had already paid for the whole thing so I went with it.
    Murph you should totally be my life coach
    Kimberly I couldn't believe that she drank it either. I also couldn't believe that he tried to get me to try it out...yeah no thanks
    Kat is that why your daughter is so good at selling the cookies? lol

  6. Becca I need to stop reading your blog at work! I was laughing so hard. People were staring. it was uncomfortable. They were staring! Then I had to explain. Hilarious!

  7. This made my day. Right before I got this comment someone had just said something rude about my blog and I was thinking about taking it down. Thanks Ed!

  8. we've got to get you on SWD one weekend!



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