Friday, November 5

how to not be an idiot at the grocery store

self-checkout (it's easy)Image by annethelibrarian via Flickr
I feel like it's my duty to address something that has gotten way out of hand.
Self checkouts.
I've seen quite a few people that are putting way too much confidence in themselves when it comes to self checkouts. There need to be rules and they need to be followed.
When I get off of work and make an emergency run to the grocery store for Red Bull, Twizzlers, shake 'n bake, and applesauce I expect to be in out. I don't want to stand there for twenty minutes staring at some lady who doesn't know how to spell bananas and can't look up the code. If you have produce of any kind stand in line and wait for a human to ring up your items.
There needs to be a limit on the number of items you should bring to the self checkout.  The bag area can not hold your cart full of ding dongs and frozen pizzas, which will piss off the machine and delay your checking out process resulting in me being delayed. If you have over 15 items stand your ass in line and wait for a human to ring up your groceries.
If you are paying with a check you should probably just punch yourself in the face, especially if you don't have any part of the check filled out. You knew you were going to Kroger, what the date is and you already know how to sign your name. Do it BEFORE you are standing there with an audience of fifteen people giving you the death stare. This goes for the regular checkout lines as well. Have some common courtesy people.
The person monitoring the self checkouts is not there to do the scanning and bagging for you.  I'm looking at you banana lady.  That is why it's a SELF checkout.  If they are helping you, they can't help me when the asshole machine thinks I added extra stuff to the bagging area or I accidentally leaned on the scanner and the machine is trying to calculate the weight of my gut.
If you are in line behind me and there is an open register, do not point it out to me. I see it AND the out if order sign on it. Trust me. I don't want to be standing there having you stand insanely close to me any longer than necessary.
Seriously people. Just because you have seen a cashier ring up your stuff does not mean that you are one. I can stand in a garage, but that doesn't mean I'm a car. 
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