Wednesday, March 3

it's like judge judy without judy and the awesomeness

I have a problem. I talk to people. I sympathize with them. I get screwed over.
One of my neighbors AKA Mr. Inconsiderate is going through some legal troubles involving his elderly mother. Prior to his first court date he knocked on my door and asked if his lawyer could call me and ask a couple of questions. Stupidly, I said yes.

A couple of months later I received a subpoena to appear in court as a character witness for Mr. Inconsiderate. That's right. Not a phone call. A freaking subpoena for the following week. Luckily I had already asked off for that same day for an event and my kid's school. Since I am too precious to go to jail I decided to blow my kid off and go to court.

When we arrived at the court house my neighbor's lawyer went around the group asking a few questions regarding Mr. Inconsiderate. First up was my other neighbor, Sonny. Sonny is the guy who gets drunk every day and rides his bike down the middle of the street.

Lawyer: How do you know Mr. Inconsiderate?

Sonny: Ugh he's mah neighbor

Lawyer: Have you ever seen Mr. Douchebag interact with his mother?

Sonny: No

Lawyer: You've never seen them interact? What do you hope to bring to this case?

Sonny: I heard them laughing through the walls

Seriously? That's why they summoned this guy to court? He heard some laughter through the walls. At this point I just knew my neighbor was screwed.

Next up was Mr. I's son who is apparently named Justice. Coincidence?

Lawyer: How do you know Mr. Inconsiderate?

Son: He's my dad.

Lawyer: Have you ever seen Mr. I interact with his mother?

Son: After she had her stroke he would hold her strong hand down and hit her and try to get her to hit him back with her weak hand. We all do it.

Now, I am by no means a physical therapist, but is this how you rehab a stroke victim?

After four hours of watching a live Maury Povich show I never got called into the courtroom. My neighbor stormed out looking angry and crying. We were all Oh no! Is he going to jail? Nope. Apparently he's just big on the dramatics. They dropped the charges.I was so glad the matter was resolved. Except for it wasn't. A couple of months later I went out to my car and saw this:
Why yes! That is a letter on notebook paper inside a ziploc bag with my name spelled incorrectly. I immediately knew what it was. I have a secret admirer that is a crappy speller. How endearing. In your face Kai! Mama's moving on! Well, maybe not. Opening the ziploc bag revealed this:
Why yes! This is a letter from Mr. Douche asking me to come to court a week prior to the court date. I informed him I would not be able to attend and he asked me to write a letter saying that I had never seen him be mean to his mom.

It turns out that he lied and this was not "our last shot to get mom back". On Tuesday I received a subpoena to appear in court AGAIN. Does this guy think that my job is a professional witness?


  1. It doesn't seem fair that you get all the glamour. I guess I'll just hope for jury duty like regular people.

  2. MS REBBECA, you seriously need a reality show. I can't believe all of the craziness that you endure on a daily basis. Good luck with that second court appearance. Sounds to me like Bobby Douchebag doesn't need to get his momma back!

  3. Murp I would love to be on jury duty. At least I would be doing some good.
    Kimberly maybe I should start going by that. lol You are totally right about his mom. Ugh
    Steph and Erin I am going to take the wow and speechless as



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