Wednesday, May 19

how the cheese wagon made me become a lady of the night

I am pretty sure I am going to become a stripper.  Yes.  You read that right.  I need a job with night hours that pays well.  I don't think serving coffee and hamburgers to drunks at Denny's will pay the bills, so stripping it is.  The deciding factor in this awesome career change came today in the form of a phone call.

The actual conversation will be in italics and what I was thinking will be in bold.

Me:  Hello
Mrs.  Somebody:  Hi Mrs. Awesomesauce this is Mrs. Somebody from your son's school.  I'm calling, because the bus driver just came back to the school and told us some information.
Great they lost him AGAIN
Mrs. Somebody:  Apparently Ethan got off the bus and took off running and went into the closest apartment building to the bus stop.  She isn't sure if he is where he is supposed to be.
Ok.  I am Ethan's biggest fan, but the kid can barely beat me in a race if I'm standing still.  The kid has a lot of heart, but really lacks in the athletic department.
Mrs.  Somebody:  The bus driver was concerned and tried to send another child after him.
What?  Why would she send another child after him if she thought he was in danger.  Two wrongs don't make a right sister.  I am not sure what she meant by "tried" but I am hoping the other kid said no.
Mrs. Somebody: So she came back to the school and told us so we could figure out what is going on.  He's supposed to be with the babysitter right?
Oh my freaking goodness!  Why is she talking in slow motion?!  Is he alright or what?!  I am so about to hang up.  How am I supposed to call the babysitter if this lady is babbling to me?  If the bus driver was so worried why didn't she radio the school to call me instead of finishing her route?
Mrs. Somebody:  We tried to call her and she didn't answer, so we decided to call you and see if you knew anything.
Ummm I know I am at work twenty minutes away from where my kid is supposed to be and I am freaking the hell out.
Me going insane:  No, I don't but I will call the babysitter.

I hang up and call the babysitter

Me with extremely high blood pressure:  Gloria?!  Do you have Ethan?
Gloria in her you're a raging lunatic why wouldn't I have him tone:  Yeah I got him.
Me trying to ignore Gloria's your a raging lunatic why wouldn't I have him tone:  Are you sure?  He's ok?  He's safe?
Gloria:  Yeah he's right here.
Me ignoring the urge to ask to speak to him:  Ok thanks.  Did he get off the bus by himself?
Gloria:  No Sonny (her husband) was out there
Me still wanting proof he has not run away:  Alright thanks...see ya later
Gloria clearly chuckling at me:  Alright Rebecca.

I called the school back and thanked them for letting me know what happened.  Apparently they were under the impression that nobody was at the bus stop.  When I asked Ethan if someone was there he said Yeah Sonny was.  I ran right by him into Ms. Gloria's.  Nice.

See?  This is why I have to be a stripper.  I will be able to homeschool Ethan during the day so he won't have to ride the bus and get my groove on at night.  It would totally work except I don't really have a groove or the patience to homeschool.


  1. I really love the way you call yourself 'Mrs. Awesomesauce'. Is that going to be your stripper name? Lol. If so, we may need to work on that a little bit.

  2. "Yeah Sonny was. I ran right by him into Ms. Gloria's". Awesome, LOL!

  3. Erin Mrs. Awesomesauce it wasn't going to be my stripper name, but now it totally is. Thanks for the idea!

    Kimberly he drives me insane.

  4. ok just for the record..I've seen you dance! not so hot,and as for nathan or is it ethan? home school,public school! the kid doesn't have a chance in hell.... lol

  5. Mary had a little lambMay 20, 2010 at 6:36 PM

    Well Mrs. Awesomesauce, you might have a good idea about home schooling, but you're going to have to be careful how late you have to strip/work so that you can get up bright and early to make breakfast for Ethan and then start your day of teaching!! You can't be a very effective teacher if your son has to keep poking you to keep you awake!! You might need to rethink the stripper gig!! ~~smile~~

  6. "Anonymous" Thanks for the support. Nathan resents your comment.

  7. Mary there are so many things to

  8. not really into the name...but that can be worked know there is a school in VB that teaches pole should sign up for some extra tips....



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...